My name is Breanna and all throughout my life, I have looked at myself differently, or maybe the same as many other women may look at themselves.
I am talking about my self image. I know that when I look at myself, I see a hard working, strong woman. Every time I pursue something for myself, I always come out on top and excel beyond my imagination.
This has been true for me throughout my entire life but the only part of my life that wasn't affected by my work ethic was my health.
All of my life I have been an unhealthy person and I had no idea that I was until I made a lifestyle change.
When I reflect on my health, I reflect on what I know now and compare that to what I used to think.
When I was a child, I remember always being active. I walked a mile to and from Beethoven Elementary school in Chicago, ILL. Right after school and homework, I played all day and ate what I wanted to.
When I think about it now, my memories refueling after long play days consisted of
popsicles,
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Hot Flamin Cheeto Potato Chips, Ground Beef Nachos with
Cheese, and Fast Food.
Is your mouth watering yet ? Probably not.
It may sound disgusting to you but this was my life! You couldn't separate me from these foods since they were always at my fingertips. Snacks were always in the home and not to mention a pantry supply of processed foods. Please don't get me wrong, my mother made sure that she cooked dinner every day or every other day depending on how many jobs she had to juggle at the time. But when I did eat, I remember many of the meals being spaghetti,
macaroni & cheese ,
cornbread, fried meat (whether it is chicken, pork, or beef) and Kool-aid for drink. I do remember eating vegetables time to time which would be
corn or
potatoes with dinner or collard greens on holidays.
As a child, I didn't know what healthy was, healthy to me was eating what you liked and never going hungry.
There is a time when we all must grow up and that time has been here with me for a while.
Fast forward from middle school to high school, I felt the extreme pressure to be thin and pretty and in that order. All of the most coveted popular girls in high school are thin and at least pretty. I never was the type to draw and demand attention from those around me because first off, I am an introvert. My personality is reserved and quiet and that doesn't mean shy. It can be hard at times for me to be open with those that I don't know but I've come to understand that is me and it doesn't interfere with my quality of life.
High school is such a fake world but that was my reality. How many people still hold that status today in real life? All teenage girls go though that time of being self-conscience about their body and I wasn't exempt.
In high school, I was extremely malnourished and I didn't eat much. Every day, I would skip school lunch and breakfast and go home to eat a small bowl of
white rice. Occasionally I would eat a
candy bar or a piece of fried meat and that was only if I didn't feel "fat" that day. My family worried, especially my grandmother, but I always comforted everyone with the fact that I cheer-leaded so I would have to do so much conditioning to keep up with the rest. I ran about 5 miles every day and refueled hardly. Even though I was skinny I still didn't feel good because of my lack of energy and well being.
Later on after graduation, I married my best friend
Jared Rutter and the pounds started piling on!
Before we were engaged, he bought his first car his freshman year of college, which was my senior year of high school. Everyday we would take walks and physically challenge each other time to time but once we were mobile, walking around the neighborhood wasn't thought about anymore. We drove around everywhere and stopped at fast food restaurants whenever we were hungry! Our favorite place was Taco Bell and I always ordered 4 Cheesy Bean and Rice Burritos, while he would order 5, 5 Layer Burittos. We were so fat! I came to a hault at a whopping 200 lbs and it wasn't easy.
My brothers would poke fun at me about my weight gain and of course little brothers can sometimes be obnoxious and not as considerate so I ignored them. My uncle bought it up when he came to visit me and I knew it was from love and the truth.
The changing moment of my life was when I made my third trip to Taco Bell one day for dinner and my husband and I made our way back home. As I was walking up the stairs to our apartment, I was winded from the set of stairs I had to walk up. I was out of breath and that caught me by surprise because we stayed on the first level. There was a top level, first level, and basement level in the apartment complex. So you can visualize that I probably only had to walk up anywhere from 15-20 stair steps. I immediately thought about what just happened and blamed my
asthma but I knew no doubt about it that it was my weight.
I had a
weight scale at home and a
treadmill that I didn't use because I felt that if I at least had it, it would "motivate" me to do something. Remember that motivation has to come from within to be transformed outwardly.
I stepped on the
scale thinking that I'm probably 160 lbs (I was 150 lbs when I met my husband so 10 pounds extra sounds about right, right?)
My weight was 198 lbs... The scale even teetered between 198 and 199 lbs.
I can honestly say that I was 200 lbs.
My jaw dropped, my body dropped to the floor and I wept worse than a baby.
All I could do was hold my face in my hands because I was clinically obese and out of control.
What overwhelmed me the most honestly wasn't realizing that I was 200 lbs, it was realizing that I didn't know how to lose weight and keep it off. I didn't know what it meant to eat healthy and benefit the most from exercising so I felt hopeless. I thought that it would take me a lifetime to do and I was helpless.
Immediately I blamed my husband (
Jared) for always asking me if I wanted Taco Bell, I blamed my mother and family for always cooking foods that weren't really healthy for me, and then I blamed myself.
I realized that I was at a point in my life in which I had ultimate control of. I was living with the circumstances I produced because of my actions. I controlled what I ate, what I did, and how I lived. I controlled my life and my health was suffering tremendously.
After that day, I decided to change my health around. I knew that it wasn't going to be easy because anyone who has ever tried to lose weight had to work for it. Whether they had 10 lbs to lose or 100 lbs, they had to put in work to get the results they wanted. It may take longer for you or, you may lose it faster than others but I had to remind myself that any type of progress is still progress. As long as I do what I am supposed to do, the weight will come off. If I eat right and exercise, I can keep the weight off in my life.
Right now today, I weigh 153 pounds and it has taken me 2 years to get there. You may say ,
"Wow, it took you two years to just lose 47 pounds?? I know people who can do that in a couple of months!"
And you know what, good for them. I wonder if they are doing it the healthy way instead of crash dieting so that they can keep it off for life. Good for them, I honestly do congratulate their success. But I am not him or her.
It took me 2 years to lose those 47 pounds because I was in complete ignorance about health. I didn't know what was good or bad to eat and I defiantly didn't know how to stay in shape and maintain a healthy weight. That person may have already had the knowledge so that's why they were able to lose it in a couple of months. I was completely clueless about it all. I have been through different things in my life. I have doubted my self and encouraged myself throughout the years. I have crash dieted and gorged on food because of my ignorance. But it has helped me along the way and taught me better in the end and I am still becoming more and more of a healthy person to this very day!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read about my health story and I hope that it has been an encouragement to you! It is hard sharing my life's personal details with the world but because it has been what has changed me to be the person that I am today, I can't help but share that with someone who's struggling with the change in their life too. I am here to encourage and uplift and that is what my
Life After Juicing environment is about. Please feel free to share your story with me and the community!
